It's a Cold and Lonely Winter's Night Without You
by CHAILYN
Summary: A Chollie Christmas themed fic.  Christmas has never been a highlight for Oliver Queen, he'd had high hopes for this one though, before everything went wrong.


_Note please, how I own nothing. Instead of writing my (hopefully) last final paper I was playing with my December playlist and I heard this song and could not get damn Oliver Queen out of my mind, and that turned into Chollie which turned into I have to do something…I ended up being so enamored I'm going to write a second fic that sorta not really ties in at all. It's basically just inspired by the same song.

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** It's a Cold and Lonely Winter's Night Without You**

_If I could only have you near__  
__To breathe a sigh or two__  
__I would be happy just to hold the hands I love__  
__Upon this winter night with you_

_-Sarah McLachlan; A Song For a Winter's Night_

The Christmas Holiday had never been a highlight for him. As a kid, after his parents were murdered, he went through the motions and was sure his nannies and keepers were paid well to miss the holiday with their own families to play Happy Christmas with him.

He put an end to that when he turned thirteen.

_"Ollie," Margot said in a lilting, musical sort of voice that seemed exaggerate her French accent. "When did you turn into a Scrooge?"_

_ He would have issued a biting retort to anyone else, but she was the one he liked. The only one as a matter of fact. Long after the time that everyone else's families had disposed of childcare, he demanded that they keep her on staff and she stayed there until he was in University and received a letter from her that she was retiring, but that she'd always be there for anything he needed._

_ Oliver liked Maggie, because Maggie understood. She'd been with him since he was a baby, she'd been his mother's right hand, and after his parents died she stayed with him; holding him when he cried, and always there still when he woke up._

_ "I'm not going to _make_ people spend time with me. Christmas is…" Oliver shook his head. "I don't care anyways."_

_ "Does this mean you're kicking me out too? We've spent the holiday together for years."_

_ "Don't you have someplace you want to be?" Oliver asked._

_ "Of course I do. I want to be here with you, drinking hot chocolate and eating gingerbread like always." _

_ Oliver couldn't help the smile that crept into his face._

_ "Okay then Maggie, you can stay." Oliver told her, but then frowned. "But only you. None of the others."_

_ "It's a deal." Maggie smiled down at him and tousled his hair._

Those days were long gone, and the bright light that illuminated his childhood had long since dimmed enough for the shadows of those happy days to be exposed. They were all a fraud. Maybe it didn't matter, he'd never thought about it enough-he didn't want to think about it in such detail-but the million dollars that she was paid to 'love' him made it all ugly enough that he tried to forget those acerbic memories. Or maybe it was the fact that there was on contract on just what her 'love' should entail…

He didn't know why he was thinking of her again. Oliver supposed that it was because he'd succumbed to another self-pitying mood. They were a lot more common as the holidays kept inching closer and he realized that without fail, he was alone again.

There was a time, not so long ago, that he had high expectations for this Christmas holiday. Then again, there was also a time when he had a woman he loved; a woman who loved him as fiercely as he loved her.

Oliver could see how Christmas with Chloe would pan out. They would spent Christmas Eve with Lois and Clark at the farmhouse with some sort of half-excuse on her part.

"I guess there's no way out of it," Chloe would sigh, and bite her lip in the way he loved. "Lois would kill us both."

And he would humor her, knowing deep down that she wanted it. There was a part of her that was a stickler for the tradition of the season. She would complain, and grumble, but be half in love with it.

They would have a great time, indulging in too much food that was obviously not cooked by Lois, drinking too much wine and getting warm and fuzzy in front of the idyllic crackling fire. After hours of cheer and good will and a drunken attempt or two by Lois and Chloe to start a two girl caroling group, they'd stumble back into the car and his driver would return them to his loft. There they would spend their first Christmas Eve together.

"I love you." He'd tell her, unafraid anymore of scaring her away, because she'd be comfortable with him. She'd feel safe enough that she wouldn't shy away, and he wouldn't have to conceal the depth of his feelings for her.

Chloe would bury her face into his chest, and he would drink in the sweet scent of her hair, imagining snowflakes. "I love you too, Ollie." She'd murmur in that contented breath.

He would cradle her in his arms, and think about the ring that was nestled away in his safe, but he wouldn't take it out because they would have all the time in the world.

For the first time in his life, since his parents died, he'd wake up to a real Christmas; spent with the woman he loved.

It would be blissful, and perfect, and they would be happy.

Oliver had that dream often this month. Sometimes it felt so real he would wake and forget the reality of his situation. When he did finally remember though, it came back in a flood that was enough for him to drown in.

It was the bitter taste of loneliness again.

"I'm always going to love you, Chloe."

Occasionally, he thinks that if Chloe was here, that if she came back to him there would be no more 'what ifs.' He'd ask her to marry him, if only to save himself from wondering if the answer could be yes.

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_Oh Chollie, how I miss you. I'm on my way to partially covering all my bases. After I update the Chlark/Lollie Christmas story I'm getting to work on a Clark/Oliver one. 'Tis the season and all that jazz._


End file.
